Because what I have tragically found is that Christian singles hit an area of desperation, particularly young women, and they will go: “Yeah, he is a Christian, he comes to church.” And really what they’re saying is this guy comes to church a couple of times a month, but outside of attending a service, he doesn’t have a real seriousness about growing in his understanding of the Lord, growing in his understanding of the Bible, being a prayerful person, no vivication or mortification that can be spotted, and no one who really knows them enough to speak to the growth in their character.
Is there such a thing as “too fast” in Christian dating?How do you know if a dating relationship is moving too quickly emotionally, or too quickly toward marriage?They are being discipled, whether that be organizationally or organically, whether they are part of a church’s system for discipleship or they just found an older man or an older woman and invited that person to speak into their lives.And I think those pieces are a much safer gauge than whether they highlight passages in their Bible and show up to service every week.If the relationship is outpacing knowledge of character, reputation, and knowledge of godliness, then that is way too quick.
But if you are in a context in which you have watched the person’s godliness, you have marveled at their character, you have rejoiced in what God has done in them and through them, then speed isn’t a big factor. What drove the speed wasn’t a flare up of emotions, it wasn’t a fear of loneliness, or desperation, like maybe this is my only shot. Rather there was knowledge of his faithfulness to God, his desire to serve the Lord, and his seriousness about the things of God.So if I think about my daughters, to have a young man constantly texting them and constantly engaging them on social media without any real clear “I’m pursuing you,” any real clear desire to want to establish a shared knowledge of this relationship, I have concerns.I see a lot of our young women at The Village Church get teased by guys who simply “like” every Facebook post of theirs, or constantly text the young woman, without ever having defined the relationship.And the worst possible thing imaginable in my mind is a bunch of 24-year-olds sitting around talking about life.If I can get that 24-year-old single guy with a 38-year-old married man, then I have high hopes for how that 24-year-old will see, understand, and desire marriage.The ability to text or to tweet or to just write on someone’s wall, enable you to flirt and tease without there ever being a “what-exactly-is-this-relationship” moment.